a little about me...

i want to tell you guys something i've been struggling with.... anyone that knows me, knows that i've had a problem with my weight, well forever.... well about four months ago, i hit an emotional rock bottom.... i had hit an astonishing 250 lbs, and when i went to the wavepool with my friends... i went down the slide, and was out of breath when i got to the bottom... i went home, and cried myself to sleep... got up the next morning, and continued on with life as usual.... i felt desparate, and despicable for not doing anything, but i felt powerless to stop.... my eating habit felt like such a big part of me i didn't know if i could stop.... so a couple more months went by, and i gained even more weight, i had hit 260 lbs by now.... i felt out of control, useless to change anything else in my life till i changed this one thing... i felt so weak,people do this every day, so why couldn't i... i tried everything to get myself to stop.... mind tricks, laughing at myself, self loathing, and the whole bit ... but nothing worked... i couldn't stop this vicious cycle that was eating me alive.... until one night, i got down on my hands, and knees and screamed to God in surrender.... i can't do this without you, please help me change.... i woke up the next morning, and i changed... i started eating right.... by that evening i already felt more powerful to fight this, but as the ever doubtful person i am... i wouldn't let myself get my hopes up to early, i wouldn't even tell my friends, because if i failed... i didn't want to feel worse.... but i'm making it!!! i really am, it's been two weeks, and i have lost ten lbs.... i told my mom today, and she started to cry... i haven't seen her this happy in a long time... i haven't been this happy in a long time... it's small steps , but they are steps that i am making just me, and God.... i am so happy, in fact i'm so happy i'm crying, because he has taken away my hate.... i don't hate me now.... i don't hate this thing that i am, because it helped me change... i just want to ask you guys now for continuing prayer to help me knock this thing.... i'm so happy..... i can do it!!! shannon